I’m alive, barely

I’ve been absent. I’ll admit, my last confessional (which took…what, 5, 6 parts?) about the ups and downs of my marriage took a lot out of me. But in addition, I have been very, very sick. For pretty much all of January. I simply haven’t had the spoons to write anything else from my history and nothing interesting has been happening in my present, aside from the fact that I was ill and couldn’t breathe or work or do chores or do pretty much anything. I was on inhalers and seriously high doses of steroids to help me breathe, I had some kind of awful viral bronchitis, from the week after Christmas til this week, I still have the cough but it’s not nearly as severe. It’s a productive cough still, so I’m still at home and not at work yet, but I go back next week now that I’m not surrounded by a miasma of plague.

And…well. The one thing I really want to talk about on here? I can’t yet. I absolutely will not talk about it while my beloved grandmother is alive. However many years she’ll be alive (she’s turning 94 in like 6 days) I will keep this a secret, only talked about in safe, private spaces. Because it will affect my entire family, and may cause rifts, and is generally awful. I won’t stress my grandmother out, not at her age and in her health, and I won’t lose her over this. I can keep quiet. But know that as soon as she’s passed, I will speak up. I won’t stay silent forever. I can’t. It’s a huge part of my past, and a huge influence on me, even though it was pretty awful. I won’t say more. But you’ll find out eventually.

But anyway, I’m here. I’m recovering, and starting to do housework again. I’m dealing with a VERY upset Edwin lately, he’s been hitting and screaming a lot, and I’ve had to take away privileges over it (he lost the TV, he threw such a fit). And he’s just…ugh. He was sick too, and he’s pretty much recovered now and starting to eat more (not more variety, just more quantity) so that’s good. A growth spurt might be coming. He is gonna be 5 this year, and I cannot believe it.

So that’s it. Keith is back in school, I’m going back to work, Edwin is in school, everything’s just…everything. But I do need to tell you guys about ADHD once I see my doctor next week, and my history with the diagnosis and the label and all that. Keep an eye out for that later.

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